Well... don't have a jetpack

 But I am sitting in a plane seat at 34,000 feet with internet access listening to music on my phone with my nice Bose noise reducing headphones filtering out the white noise.

I suppose that's something eh?

Oh, and the fairy godmother department at the airline moved me into first, so I can also haz wine.

Rules of Business Travel...

When three or more middle aged(1) men are sitting in an airport bar drinking, the conversation will invariably turn to the FUCKING STUPID amounts of flying they've done.

The conversations are all very similar too...

1) We all hate BA economy, but like BA Business
2) Virgin flight crew are, generally speaking, not selected for their customer service skills
3) The Asian Flag Carriers are all amazing for customer service but, frankly, just a little bit creepy
4) I flew on Concorde(2)
5) LAX and O'Hare are two of the nastiest airports anywhere in the developed world
6) Flying LOTS (200k miles a year plus) seems to equate to a 5kg ish weight gain per year doing it
7) You lose the 5kg a LOT slower than you put it on - amusingly we all had driving license pictures taken at our peaks, and were able to back slap ourselves at the loss...  except for the guy who had the massive MI and nearly did a Douglas Adams in the gym 10 years ago... apparently he was always thin but exercised too much when he wasn't actually fit enough...
8) We have all flown un-necessary legs to get 'wins' on our frequent flyer points
9) Yes, the quality of wine and booze is important as is the Port with the Cheese Course
10) Flying American Carriers, even in Business Class sucks... sucks badly
11) The iPad has really had a major impact on inflight entertainment
12) Cathy Pacific's First Class Lounge in Hong Kong is the BEST PLACE ON EARTH EVER!
13) Taking a day trip/overnight trip to a location over 4000 miles from where you live is one of the stupudest things you will ever do
14) If you fly 2-3 trans-atlantic or trans-pacific sectors a month, you basically spend your life jetlagged
15) Zanax and Ambien are fairly essential drugs
16) Going down from Gold/Platinum tier to something lower is an emotional wrench

Yes, yes, I know these are all first world problems, but it is amazing how many times I've had these conversations...


(1) Ok, so I was the youngest but I can't really kid myself that 43 is anything other than middle aged... I have friggin' progressive lenses!
(2) It just slips out, honest!!!!